dark future of me, welcome.

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I planned everything. I did. Right after that goddamn graduation, I already planned it. I want to be at the stage for something good. I want to beat my classmates. I was damn furious because I couldn't get the best student for perdagangan award. I was so close. She is just one mark higher than me, though. was furious. And I wanted to beat her, beat everyone, prove to them that I am successful and my parents are proud with me and they did. I did. I beat them. I got to be at the goddamn stage with best student award. And little did I know---my life ends there.

I didn't get a single offer from any uni, just a polytech. Yeah, it should be fun. I should've go. Yet I chose this form 6 life. I chose this life. Doesn't matter because the price for my 6A's is I lost everything. My will to live, my dreams to study overseas, to become a psychologist/computer expert, and all of it. I have zero motivations to live, my dreams were crushed, I don't even know what I wanna be, I failed all my subjects and broke. Freaking broke.I don't get why I am like this. I've done my trial and it seems I will fail again and that damn final is around the corner and I knew nothing about what I learned. Leaving with housemates are pretty tough job. I didn't get to study too. I am too overwhelm with my problems and I AM BROKE. I'm freaking broke, man. Really. But living with my parents? I am damn lazy to study. All the tensions here. I want to, I want to be here so bad but dad won't let me. I;ve been here and back twice and he won't accept me being here anymore. "Stay there and focus." Damn right I will. I can't. I'm not like I used to be. Study and all that. I'm not that anymore.

I can't. I can't.

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