Save Me.

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Things have changed so much these 2 years. I am not who I used to be or who I supposed to be.

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I'M STILL HERE

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You know most of the time I always daydreaming about my life, How I want to have a good condition of mental health,  further my study, to have a good life, great job, happy family , amazing friends  and how I would meet my soulmate-- I wanted he is my best friend. But none of that I achieved. I don't know what I did to deserve the life I lived now. I know I can't recover from depression, of course. But can't I be happy? Can't I be calm and lovevable like everyone else? Why I am like this? I am ugly, enough. But why can't be I happy, calm and have all things figured out? I am constantly living in anxiety and anger. I lashed out to everyone, including my own family. My family's condition isn't great. Things got worse and I'm tired. I have friends-- they all got into university. One in Edinburgh, Living the life I wanted. One got the course I'm dying to learn. Two got lucky. I don't have a soulmate. I won't ever. Life is so cruel to me, ma...
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Alive.

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Hi. So I'm alive. What's up, huh? Corona. Backdoor government and a few other things. We were asked to stay home and quarantine ourselves. I literally have no problem with that. I guess I've been that way since forever. Only meet my friend once a week, I prefer to stay at home. But I do love to go out, walking and just appreciating the world. But not with people. One or two, yeah. So, no problemo. Despite RMO, I still gotta work. This gal got a mouth to feed. Lately, I've been looking for my old acquaintances from primary school to secondary school and college. I see their lives are great. Mine is just fine. I owe them apologies. The thing is, I was lost. Hold on, this is not me trying to justify myself. Rather to tell you that I never find who I am. Till this day. When in primary school, I was a bitter kid, with three friends who end up hated me. I don't blame them. I would hate me too. I was also not an intellectual and what you call "pick-me-girl" the...
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i'm sorry

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anger. If there is one emotion I wish I could not feel is anger. It destroys me. Destroys everything I love. No one gets it what it feels like. I don't want to be angry but something little ticked me off and boom- I exploded. I can't do it. I can't control the anger. I keep hurting people I love. I take it out on them. I dumped my shits to people who cared about me and I pushed them away. It hurts.
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