ROADS UNTRAVELED ISSUES
I am so freaking tired and it's not even a month of semester three. I don't know whether I'm giving up or anything but I truly have zero motivations to do things. Oh wanna know something? I'm in the middle of trying to survive days without my damn huawei that needs to be fixed. 3310 is too much for me :'D nah I was like "okay" but it's very difficult to do things like college stuff. Also I am freaking broke,man. Really. I need to find someone that can pick me and send me home until I got my license because I don't want to live here anymore. As much as I pitied them because they have to pay high rent later, I am really sorry that I don't have money.
Lately I've been feeling lonely--craving for someone's presence, people's attention,special touch to the heart--fluff and stuff. Whelp, I hope it's normal. I really crave for someone because let's be honest people find me when they have problems. Like hello do you know me when you were with your boyfriend and new friends? It's not that, I am lonely,okay? It's not okay to only look for me when you need something for me. I'm human, I need attention too. I need y'all kasih sayang okay. But it's okay, permudahkan kerja orang, Allah mudahkan kerja kita. Tu yang aku pegang.
Crush? More like crushed. Okay,fine. I knew he won't like me since last year and Inever thought he would be different like really changed this year. That's what fame does to people, I guess. Everything's wrong with me and nothing's wrong with people who is not me. Got it? He called me crazy, told me he didn't want to see my face again. Well, everyone knew he was joking but is he really joking? I assumed yes, until just now he asked me to be dead. I wouldn't joke like that, though. I guess he was never meant to be mine. I just want companion, I guess he don't deserve it. Looks like I'm a lone ranger. I'm always a lone ranger. So,no problemo.
Mental health? pasrah as ever. I don't know why? It just I don't know if I am depressed anymore.I don't know if I want to die and kill myself anymore. I didn't hurt/ harm myself. I even look both direction twice whenever I'm crossing the roads.I do be cautious whenever I'm out in the middle of the night and I didn't choke myself with pills. Am I recovering? Or am I just giving up on "giving with life"? To the point where I'm tired of killing myself? I don't know, I need motivations. All I know is Allah save me everytime.
Visions? I have deep passion towards writing obviously and investigation. I was thinking about working with SPRM because you know, government benefits. But I have to take degree first, maybe it'll be TESL or journalism or anything. I could be a journalist by the way, haha. 3 options; Journalist, Investigator or working at embassy.
I want everything to be okay. I wanna go home,where my heart is at, if there's even a home.
Lately I've been feeling lonely--craving for someone's presence, people's attention,special touch to the heart--fluff and stuff. Whelp, I hope it's normal. I really crave for someone because let's be honest people find me when they have problems. Like hello do you know me when you were with your boyfriend and new friends? It's not that, I am lonely,okay? It's not okay to only look for me when you need something for me. I'm human, I need attention too. I need y'all kasih sayang okay. But it's okay, permudahkan kerja orang, Allah mudahkan kerja kita. Tu yang aku pegang.
Crush? More like crushed. Okay,fine. I knew he won't like me since last year and Inever thought he would be different like really changed this year. That's what fame does to people, I guess. Everything's wrong with me and nothing's wrong with people who is not me. Got it? He called me crazy, told me he didn't want to see my face again. Well, everyone knew he was joking but is he really joking? I assumed yes, until just now he asked me to be dead. I wouldn't joke like that, though. I guess he was never meant to be mine. I just want companion, I guess he don't deserve it. Looks like I'm a lone ranger. I'm always a lone ranger. So,no problemo.
Mental health? pasrah as ever. I don't know why? It just I don't know if I am depressed anymore.I don't know if I want to die and kill myself anymore. I didn't hurt/ harm myself. I even look both direction twice whenever I'm crossing the roads.I do be cautious whenever I'm out in the middle of the night and I didn't choke myself with pills. Am I recovering? Or am I just giving up on "giving with life"? To the point where I'm tired of killing myself? I don't know, I need motivations. All I know is Allah save me everytime.
Visions? I have deep passion towards writing obviously and investigation. I was thinking about working with SPRM because you know, government benefits. But I have to take degree first, maybe it'll be TESL or journalism or anything. I could be a journalist by the way, haha. 3 options; Journalist, Investigator or working at embassy.
I want everything to be okay. I wanna go home,where my heart is at, if there's even a home.
