Crimson

THE ROAD SO FAR. Hell, it's been a long time since the freaking last time I blogged. A lot of good things happened to me as much as bad things, I don't know how to react. I guess I'm slowly becoming numb. Maybe it's a good thing. I don't know. Everyone I knew literally has better lives than me, and here I am, blogging because I have no better things to do. This is what I'm good at. Also, movies. Like?? How can I survive life? I literally have no reaction to anything, anymore. What, my customer yelled at me? Oh ok. Family drama? Ok. Pointer 2.58? Nah. Damn. Also, I don't know if I'm going to blog anymore. Just in case if this is gonna be last post ;  Farewell. Thank you for being here with me.

Adios, people. 

Finally, I have the time and  the internet. I would describe my week as painful and stormy. heh. I constantly waiting for friday, and that, that is pain, you know. I mean, everyone understand the feeling, of course. I want to change my life , yet here I am neglecting my study although my second semester's result was very bad. I failed one subject I never passed, hehe. Pengajian Am asked too much, I mean. I never understand what MPM wanted. One second they told us every tricks to pass the subject, later they decided to change the scheme. Economics which I studied so hard, I only got C-. A little bit more would have reach my target. Pengajian Perniagaan C although I expected a B and lastly, Sejarah which I expected to fail, C. I mean, my result was not pretty or something that can make anyone proud but Allah knows I tried my best. And here I am, neglecting my studies again. Just kidding, I just finished my kerja kursus. Done editing. I can't do much since it's alrea...

I am so freaking tired and it's not even a month of semester three. I don't know whether I'm giving up or anything but I truly have zero motivations to do things. Oh wanna know something? I'm in the middle of trying to survive days without my damn huawei that needs to be fixed. 3310 is too much for me :'D nah I was like "okay" but it's very difficult to do things like college stuff. Also I am freaking broke,man. Really. I need to find someone that can pick me and send me home until I got my license because I don't want to live here anymore. As much as I pitied them because they have to pay high rent later, I am really sorry that I don't have money. Lately I've been feeling lonely--craving for someone's presence, people's attention,special touch to the heart--fluff and stuff. Whelp, I hope it's normal. I really crave for someone because let's be honest people find me when they have problems. Like hello do you know me when y...

Things have changed so much these 2 years. I am not who I used to be or who I supposed to be.

Well, it's 10 nights away for Ramadhan to left me. And it's my 5th day into Semester 3. My very last semester and I intend to not waste it-- I will do right this time. No more lazy, bad grades, complaining. It is very stupid to be "someone" new when you are in the last semester. Nahh, it is never late to change, do something good. It's friday yet I'm still at rumah sewa because tomorrow I still have class and I hope my family  understand.Oh and also I want to get back with writing. I need to write back. I need to have passion back. I am so done being depressed, unmotivated and lifeless. It's time to get back up again-- to have something to live, to live again. I want to live. The reason I'm not dead yet is because my life isn't over yet. I have to continue living. I have to cheerish every second I'm on this earth because being I have to appreciate what's there before it's gone.I don't want to die. I want to live.  I have to. ...

I planned everything. I did. Right after that goddamn graduation, I already planned it. I want to be at the stage for something good. I want to beat my classmates. I was damn furious because I couldn't get the best student for perdagangan award. I was so close. She is just one mark higher than me, though. was furious. And I wanted to beat her, beat everyone, prove to them that I am successful and my parents are proud with me and they did. I did. I beat them. I got to be at the goddamn stage with best student award. And little did I know---my life ends there. I didn't get a single offer from any uni, just a polytech. Yeah, it should be fun. I should've go. Yet I chose this form 6 life. I chose this life. Doesn't matter because the price for my 6A's is I lost everything. My will to live, my dreams to study overseas, to become a psychologist/computer expert, and all of it. I have zero motivations to live, my dreams were crushed, I don't even know what I wanna ...